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NOVEL BEGINNINGS FIRST CHAPTER COMPETITION
ADJUDICATOR’S REPORT & RESULTS 2010
Novel Beginnings proved to be our most popular open contest this year with a very good standard of entries covering a wide range of topics and genres.
The competition called for the first chapter of a novel either finished or in progress suitable for young adult upwards. Our winner fell in the lower age range so congratulations to Eleanor Patrick who took first place with Kippers Pride, as story for young teens.
Second was Rob Walters with Shaken By China and third Emily Bullock with Dark Ages. We had two Highly Commend entries, Hickory Scented Crayfish by Gary Long and Larks Ascending by Louise Blackah.
Adjudicator’s Report – David Robinson
The overall standard of entries was good. The ingenuity of the writers produced a wide range of plots and characters and the presentation was equally varied: first person, third person, and experimental, stream-of-consciousness works.
There were downsides, the chief amongst which was overwriting and passivity. Cut, cut, cut is the rule. Take out every superfluous word. Similarly, “he was working,” is passive; “he worked” is active.
Back story was the next stumbling block. An editor once told me, forget the back story until you get into the action. Too many writers want to put it down on page one.
Spelling and punctuation let some pieces down. Many writers think it unimportant. Publishers’ editors are not so generous.
A major flaw in many works was the stereotyped protagonist: the career woman trying to juggle work, home, children, the child beaten by his father, the drunken husband who beats his wife. How refreshing it would be to read of a husband beaten by his drunken wife, or a child beating his parents
Picking the best of what was an excellent collection was not an easy task and in order to do so, I put myself in the place of a submissions editor. Do I want to read on, would I be willing to risk several thousand pounds of my company’s money on this project?
My initial shortlist contained no less than 17 entries, from which I had to pick the top three and two special mentions. It’s a tribute to our entrants that the short list was so large.
Highly Commended
Hickory Scented Crayfish by Gary Long
The prose is lively, often breathless. The imagery is superb. The theme maybe hackneyed, but the example isn’t. A man searching for the spirit of ambition that burned inside years ago.
I felt that the back story comes in too early and is in need of expansion. With work this is worthy of a wider audience.
Larks Ascending by Louise Blackah
The story and characters are at once realistic and engaging, and the piece generates a Home Front feeling. The writing flows well, there is no dropping out to fill in blanks: it’s all done naturally, through the narrative.
As with any piece, there are nits. This is British, therefore, alright is not all right. It should be two words. I would also question the use of a prologue. The piece would stand just as well without it. But it’s a tale that is worth persevering with.
3rd Place
Dark Ages by Emily Bullock
This opens all action, no pause, no explanations. I could feel the tension of the race, and I needed to know what was going down with dad and the security guy. Later, I could feel Cassie’s pain in a single, simple sentence: “She wanted my help again but I wasn’t there.” Questions, questions, questions. Character reactions to the dramatic news are realistic. We all react differently to tragedy. Some cry, some plump cushions, others laugh. This is no fluffy Mills & Boon fairy tale romance. It hits hard from the first line.
2nd Place
Shaken By China by Rob Walters
From the outset, we’re driven into Keith’s situation and asking questions. What’s happened, why is he here? What has he done to offend the oppressive, Beijing regime? Then we see manipulative Chinese politics entering the tale. The introduction Xiu Mei is measured and once more begs questions. The back story will come. We know it will. The blanks left by the questions will be filled. There is some passivity in the writing, but even that sits well with Keith’s passive role in events around him. This is a work that deserves to be published.
1st Place
Kippers Pride by Eleanor Patrick
This is a sprightly opening to what could develop into a top class children’s adventure/thriller. There is no time spent on descriptive. Instead we’re catapulted straight into intrigue and all the information we need, including the Polish ancestry of the two children, is delivered quite naturally in the flow of dialogue.
The mystery is offset by the customary worries of children: I’m risking my pocket money. Do you want mum to lose it? Pithy little phrases that capture perfectly the youngsters’ world, with occasional sniggers here and there.
Like Jerv, I cannot resist the mystery, Like Jan I’m worried that these kids may be getting out of their depth. There are tiny nits, which would be corrected on a second pass, but they do not detract from what is a worthy winner.
Other Shortlisted Entries
Twisted
Secrets of Jekyll Island
Lies & Linguine
The Wait’s Son
The Cost of Flying
A Kind of Justice
I Am Not There, I Did Not Die
Priceless
Worlds Apart
After Shock
The Tongueless Ghost
My House Eats People
Many congratulations to our winners and a thank you to all entrants on having entertained me with a fine catalogue of your writing skills.
A Few Words From The Shortlisters!
By far the biggest reason for not making the shortlist was due to rule breaking! The biggest failing was the omission of a synopsis. The rules clearly stated that a 500 word outline should be submitted along with the first chapter. Without this, it was impossible to know where the novel was going and what it was trying to say.
Not too far behind were the entries that exceed the word count and not just by a few words either! There were several entries well in excess of six thousand or more. The actual word limit was 2,500! To a much lesser extent, there were entries without titles, illustrated with graphics and written in strange, barely legible fonts. These embellishments are not the job of the writer and if sent to a publisher will get your work binned at the first glance!
Fortunately there were plenty of entries that did conform to expectations and these gave our judge, David Robinson a real headache sorting out the winners!
NB: DO YOU WANT A SHORT, 500 WORD REPORT ON YOUR ENTRY?
David made notes on all the entries and is prepared to do a short report identifying flaws and offering pointers on how your story can be improved. The cost is £10 per report. If you are interested, please contact David through the Writelink private messaging system.
Login into the site http://www.writelink.co.uk/community and email Davidr from the My Mail link at the top of the site.
Alternatively, you can contact him through his website: http://www.dwrob.co.uk
PLEASE NOTE: THE CRITIQUE IS FOR YOUR STORY ONLY. IT WILL NOT DISCUSS THE WHYS OR WHEREFORES OF THE NOVEL BEGINNINGS COMPETITION!
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