<p><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> Normal 0 false false false EN-GB X-NONE X-NONE </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> </xml><![endif]--> <!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} </style> <![endif]--></p> <p>Having got the recording of Voices out of the way, I decided to take the rest of the day off and while pottering through Fortean Times I stumbled on the 2012 prophecies.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>For those of you who don't know (and I didn't until a few minutes ago) the world as we know it comes to an end on December 21st 2012. Most life on the planet will be wiped out. This is a bit of a bugger because I don't get my pension until 2015 and I'd planned on being around long enough to collect it. On the plus side, it will save me having to think what I can buy Aunt Jemima for Christmas.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>The basis for this prophecy is that the Mayan Long Calendar reaches the end of a 5,000+ year cycle on this date.&nbsp; The doom and gloom merchants homed in on this with the speed of a dung beetle heading for Urmston sewage treatment works. When this theory was put to the present day descendants of the Mayan people, they responded, "Are you off your chump, or what? We don't do catastrophes unless you count Mexico's record in the World Cup."</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>The New Age wallahs, not to be outdone by the doomsayers, claimed that it would herald in a new age of spiritual awareness. Does this mean I'll be switching from Glen Morangie to Smirnoff?</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>The piece in Fortean Times is by an author (can't remember his name, the magazine's on the coffee table and I can't be bothered walking that far) who thinks there maybe something in the prophecy. He believes there is a brown dwarf hovering on the edge of the Solar System. A brown dwarf is not, as you may imagine, a well-tanned short person, but a type of star which is invisible to the naked eye (or even the naked me) because a) it is too small, b) it's brown against the black backdrop of space and c) I can't see that far.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>The author claims this brown dwarf is meddling with the Kuiper belt and due to send comets flying in towards us, which will smash us out of existence.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>Intrepid detective that I am, I chased up his claims and learned that the Chandra telescope had indeed found a brown dwarf star in our neighbourhood ... about 11 light years away, and not near the Kuiper belt. This means that the light we can't see anyway takes 11 years to get to us, which is about the same time it takes a First Manchester Bus to get from Oldham to Manchester.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>If I could see the light, it would have left the star sometime just after my 18th wedding anniversary. I've heard of congratulatory telegrams taking time to reach you but ...</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>I'm not criticising this author. His major aim is to sell books. That's what I'm about, too. And I could claim that Voices is a true story. After all, I am hard of hearing, I did break my ankle and I do hear voices in my head. Most of the time, they're saying, "put your wallet away, put your wallet away, put ..."</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>But what do I do if his prophecy is wrong? December 21st is a bit late to go looking for a Christmas present for Aunt Jemima.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>&nbsp;</p>