Well, the Easter break is over, and all the little swine go back to school tomorrow. And I have to go swimming again. I never go when the kids are off. All that water, all those brats. Too tempting to drown the little buggers. My ex-wife tells a lot... Read more

  My mate Jim goes away for a week tomorrow. I've had to advise him. Great Yarmouth is not the best place in the world at the height of summer. In April it'll look even more like an industrial estate with sand. With this in mind, and the main ... Read more

Someone asked, "are there no traditions you will not have a go at?" Answer. No. None.   Trooping the colour - our telly's black and white.   Last night of the Proms - I was nowhere near Fleetwood Pier when it caught fire.   Sta... Read more

I am notoriously untidy. I admit it. And nowhere is this more obvious than on my bookshelves. I own about 500 volumes, most of which I've read or part-read, and they're stacked in two old cabinets in the spare room. But there's no sense of order to ... Read more

  As usual, this bloody software gets it wrong. According to them I'm Capricorn. Why don't they ask? I was born about 4 p.m. on January 20, 1950 (just before the pubs opened) and I am Aquarius by three minutes. True there is a lot of goat in m... Read more

     April 26th, Shakespeare's birthday is a week and a bit away and I thought it was time some of his better-known quotes were brought into the 21st century. It's something I've brooded on for 40 years and more. In a school pr... Read more

  About 35 years ago, in dark days of December, I was on a regular job trucking waste paper from Leeds to Manchester. Down the hill I came from Junction 22, which for those who don't know is on the Yorks/Lancs border, and I ran into thick fog. ... Read more

I've just got back from our local supermarket where they've taken the usual scandalous amount off me for inessentials like food and drink and washing up liquid, leaving nothing for life's necessities like beer and fags and those magazines they keep o... Read more