<p><strong>Published in the 'Buenos Aires Herals', 5 Deecember 2007</strong></p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>In the heart of Montevideo's historical old town, tucked in a quiet street around the corner from the craft sellers in the bustling Plaza Matriz, is a small, simply decorated restaurant, Delnorte. It is a welcome contrast to Montevideo's innumerable parrillas - barbecue houses - which serve huge quantities of excellent meat and offal, but little else.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>Alejandro, who four years ago opened the hugely successful El Estrecho just a few streets away, has teamed up with fellow-Uruguayan Mart&iacute;n to offer tourists and business people a more sophisticated lunch option. Their priorities are clear: to provide fresh, light, appetizing and attractive dishes, and a fast, professional service, at affordable prices. Every morning Alejandro and Mart&iacute;n go to the market to select top quality ingredients.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>In contrast to El Estrecho, which serves food to customers on high stools at a counter, Delnorte has a more relaxed feel about it. The d&eacute;cor is minimalist: Round wooden tables sit on sisal mats on a wooden floor, a wavy line of pale orange script lightly decorates the white stippled walls. The lighting is discreet, as is the music. A simple vase of flowers sits on the counter. Customers can watch the dishes being freshly prepared and cooked.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>The menu has a selection of original, modern dishes that are presented with flair.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>Close to both the port and the city's banking area, the restaurant's position is ideal.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>As we sipped a freshly squeezed orange juice, Alejandro suggested my companion and I start with a shared camembert starter. The flavour was tempered by the honey and thyme in which it was baked, and the local version of the cheese was much more subtle than its French counterpart.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>For the main course my companion chose an Ensalada 510, a delicate combination of rocket leaves, spinach, walnuts, warm fresh figs and small chunks of baked chicken doused with balsamic vinegar. I selected the Ensalada Tremont, which consisted of mixed greens, dried apricots, local Roquefort cheese and almonds, topped with slivers of tenderloin, in a French dressing. Since my companion wanted a taste, Alejandro divided it onto two plates, with her meat well done and mine rare. We agreed that in years of eating Uruguayan meat we had never tasted anything quite as succulent and tender.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>My cappuccino dessert was creamy and light, as was her cr&egrave;me brul&eacute;e. We accompanied our meal with a strong-bodied local Don Pascual Sauvignon, which went down a treat.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>Our bill came to just over 700 pesos, equivalent to about US$30.00 or GB&pound;15.00.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>The service at Delnorte is friendly and personalized, but not over the top. Everything about the place is unpretentious, tasteful and efficient. And it is a treat to be able to feel satisfied, but not stuffed, after a three-course meal.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p><br /><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Delnorte,<br />Rincon 510,<br />Montevideo.<br />Tel: (00598 2) 9158267</span></p> <p>&nbsp;</p>

<p><strong>Published in the 'Buenos Aires Herald', 19 March 2008</strong></p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>Do you ever wish that your city tour would take you behind the scenes, beyond the pages of your guide book? Do you dream of crowd-free tours that show you what YOU want to see, rather than what's on the guide's schedule? Would you enjoy the personalized service of professional native English-speaking guides, who have lived in the country for many years, know the city inside out, love it, and enjoy sharing it with visitors?</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>Well, Liz and Richard Cowley of Real English Tours, a new company in Montevideo, Uruguay, offer you all this and more.</p> <p>We had dinner with Richard and Liz last night in their home in the centre of Montevideo, just a stone's throw from the River Plate. We agreed that there are a few simple answers to the question that so many friends in America and Europe ask us: Why Uruguay? Because Uruguay is quiet. Uruguay is stress-free. Uruguay doesn't have traffic jams. Uruguay is cheap. And Uruguay is beautiful.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>After many years working in Uruguay, Liz and Richard felt so at home that they decided to retire here. Seeing a gap in the market, they decided to set up their company, which offers &lsquo;tours with a difference'. And it's true. They are different. I know Montevideo well, and I have been on three of Liz's tours. I will happy join her for more. Every time I get inside the home of another Uruguayan historical hero, see a different museum, learn something new.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>No bored guides rambling on in poor English, spouting memorized facts. No busloads of tourists being told to get off the bus at what the guide thinks is a suitable photo stop.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>With Liz and Richard, you get what you want. On a historical tour, Liz will explore the old city with you, visiting buildings and museums hidden down narrow streets, and, through her anecdotes, will give you a real feel of what Montevideo was like in the colonial days. Richard is a historian, and his presentation and tour about the Battle of the River Plate and sunken German battleship, the Graf Spee, are unique.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>But Liz and Richard are experts in many fields: if you want to know about vintage cars, visit vineyards, or simply go shopping, they will be happy to arrange it, and will accompany you on a Real English Tour.</p> <p><br />Have a look at their website: http://www.realenglishtours.com/graf.html</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>&nbsp;</p>

<p><strong>First published in International Living, 30 July 2007</strong></p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>If you are a golfer, you are probably familiar with the story of the Argentinean player, Roberto de Vicenzo. In the 1968 Masters he birdied the par 4 seventeenth hole, but his playing partner Tommy Aaron mistakenly entered a 4 instead of 3 on the scorecard. DeVicenzo signed the scorecard without checking it, and according to the Rules of Golf the higher score had to stand. If not for this mistake, de Vicenzo would have tied for first place, and would have had a chance to win in a playoff the following day. His memorable, modest remark after the incident was: "What a stupid I am!"</p> <p><br />Roberto de Vicenzo can still be seen occasionally giving master classes at the Club de Golf de Uruguay, which is commonly known as the Punta Carretas Golf Course. Situated in the center of Montevideo, this course has a superb clubhouse with a gym, outdoor and indoor swimming pools and two excellent restaurants. Apart from being a popular venue for hosting events and parties, this club is a social center for the higher echelons of Uruguayan society. It takes a little determination and a few dollars to push your way in as an expatriate, but the facilities are outstanding. On Mondays, the general public is allowed to use the golf course for free.</p> <p><br />But this is not your only option as a golfer in Montevideo: About fifteen miles to the east of the city, not far from the International Airport and the residential suburb of Carrasco, lies La Tahona Golf Club, the newest in the city. It's an attractive course, long and fairly difficult, winding through a maze of new houses. There is a more democratic feel this the club, which attracts young, unpretentious Uruguayan players. La Tahona has an open-air pool, tennis courts, gym facilities and a restaurant.</p> <p><br />The oldest golf club in Uruguay is El Cerro, a forgotten jewel sweeping down to a small cove on the Rio de la Plata about ten miles west of the city center. Lying just below the Cerro fortress, this spectacularly beautiful course was designed by Alister McKenzie, and has views over Montevideo and the Rio. The course runs through established parkland, and the colors are sensational in the fall. The wooden clubhouse was brought over from Chicago in the early 20th century, and has not been changed since. It has an oldy-worldy feel to it, with open log fires and ancient rules posted on the walls.</p> <p><br />This unpretentious club has a restaurant and no other facilities: with no entrance fee, it is by far the best value of the three. It has fewer members than either of the other two clubs, and its only drawback is that to access it you have to drive through one of the poorest areas of the city. Many diplomats and British expats play here.</p> <p><br />I am reliably informed that every hole at El Cerro is a challenge, and my pundit tells me that the secret is to lay up between the bunkers every time: if you force it and try to go for the pin you may find it hard to break a hundred.</p> <p><br />El Cerro has a partnership deal with La Tahona: for a small additional fee, members of one can play at the other. So the recommendation is to join El Cerro, get the partnership deal for La Tahona, and play free at the Club de Golf de Uruguay on Mondays.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p>

<p><strong>Published in The Buenos Aires Herald, December 2007</strong></p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>In the heart of Montevideo's historical old town, tucked in a quiet street around the corner from the craft sellers in the bustling Plaza Matriz, is a small, simply decorated restaurant, Delnorte. It is a welcome contrast to Montevideo's innumerable parrillas - barbecue houses - which serve huge quantities of excellent meat and offal, but little else.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>Alejandro, who three years ago opened the hugely successful El Estrecho just a few streets away, has teamed up with fellow-Uruguayan Mart&iacute;n to offer tourists and business people a more sophisticated lunch option. Their priorities are clear: to provide fresh, light, appetizing and attractive dishes, and a fast, professional service, at affordable prices. Every morning Alejandro and Mart&iacute;n go to the market to select top quality ingredients.</p> <p><br />In contrast to El Estrecho, which serves food to customers on high stools at a counter, Delnorte has a more relaxed feel about it. The d&eacute;cor is minimalist: Round wooden tables sit on sisal mats on a wooden floor, a wavy line of pale orange script lightly decorates the white stippled walls. The lighting is discreet, as is the music. A simple vase of flowers sits on the counter. Customers can watch the dishes being freshly prepared and cooked.</p> <p><br />The menu has a limited selection of original, modern dishes that are presented with flair.</p> <p><br />Close to both the port and the city's banking area, the restaurant's position is ideal.</p> <p><br />As we sipped a freshly squeezed orange juice, Alejandro suggested my companion and I start with a shared camembert starter. The strong camembert flavour was tempered by the honey and thyme in which it was baked, and the local cheese was much lighter than its French counterpart.</p> <p><br />For the main course my companion chose an Ensalada 510, a delicate combination of rocket leaves, spinach, walnuts, warm fresh figs and small chunks of baked chicken doused with balsamic vinegar. I selected the Ensalada Tremont, which consisted of mixed greens, dried apricots, local Roquefort cheese and almonds, topped with slivers of tenderloin, in a French dressing. Since my companion wanted a taste, Alejandro divided it onto two plates, with her meat well done and mine rare. We agreed that in years of eating Uruguayan meat we had never tasted anything quite as succulent and tender.</p> <p><br />My cappuccino dessert was creamy and light, as was her cr&egrave;me brul&eacute;e. We accompanied our meal with a strong-bodied local Don Pascual Sauvignon, which went down a treat.</p> <p><br />Our bill came to just over 700 pesos, equivalent to about US$30.00 or GB&pound;15.00.</p> <p><br />The service at Delnorte is friendly and personalized, but not over the top. Everything about the place is unpretentious, tasteful and efficient. And it is a treat to be able to feel satisfied, but not stuffed, after a three-course meal.</p> <p><br /><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Delnorte,<br />Rincon 510,<br />Montevideo.<br />Tel: (00598 2) 9158267</span></p> <p>&nbsp;</p>

<p><strong>Published in The Buenos Aires Herald, March 2007</strong></p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>Uruguay is a flat country. Rarely can you get a view from above. But flying in to Montevideo from Buenos Aires, you will clearly see one of the city's characteristic features, the Rambla, which stretches twenty kilometres along the Rio de la Plata from the port to the smart suburb of Carrasco, where your plane will soon land.</p> <p><br />On wet days the sidewalk and beaches are deserted. When the wind is up, windsurfers, kitesurfers, or just plain surfers brave the dark, frothy breakers. In the summer, the coves and beaches are packed with children building sandcastles, groups of friends sitting on folding chairs under parasols sipping mat&eacute;, and swimmers splashing in the water.</p> <p><br />And the broad sidewalk bustles: roller-bladers, cyclists, and dog-walkers jostle for space, fitness freaks speed-walk or jog in their pelts, and couples line the little wall marking the boundary with the beach. Every half-kilometer of the Rambla is marked with a big sign indicating how far you are from the port.</p> <p><br />On 6 March, at around kilometre six, the Rambla in Positos was busier than usual. It was a beautiful clear evening, sandwiched between last week's storms and the rain forecast for the next day. The Mayor, government ministers, diplomats, dignitaries, and groups of invited schoolchildren gathered with the general public for the opening of a spectacular photo exhibition: <em>La Tierra desde el Cielo</em>: Earth from Above.</p> <p><br />The creator of the exhibition is the renowned French photographer Yann Arthus-Bertrand (www.yannarthusbertran.com), a passionate advocate for sustainable development and the protection of the environment. Since the project was born in 1994, he has built a collection of over 100,000 photos taken from the sky in over 150 countries.</p> <p><br />A hundred and twenty of these spectacular images, each measuring 1.20 x 1.80 meters, have been mounted on huge metal supports along the Montevidean Rambla. One hundred show world-wide scenes as different as a colourful patchwork of carpets laid out on the ground in Morocco, and myriad pink flamingos on Lake Nakuru in Kenya's Rift Valley. Each is accompanied by a catchy caption, designed to make the viewer aware of how important it is to look after our planet.</p> <p><br />Arthus-Bertrand came to Uruguay in January to shoot for the exhibition. Twenty of the photos Uruguayan scenes whose splendour you couldn't begin to imagine from ground level: orange groves in Salto, rice fields in Soriano, butia capitata palm trees on emerald fields in Rocha, seals lazing on the rocks in Cabo Polonio.</p> <p><br />There are no scenes of horror in Arthus-Bertrand's photos: only an immense, breathtaking beauty. The artist says that he captures the most beautiful views he can, and with these, tries to provoke emotion in the viewer.<br />What did he think of Uruguay?</p> <p><br />&lsquo;It's the first time I've seen cattle bathing in the sea. This is a marvellous country.'</p> <p><br />And how marvellous it is to have an open air, world-class exhibition laid on for you for free.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p>

<p><strong><br /></strong></p> <p><strong>First published by International Living, June 2007</strong></p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>It's a crisp, bright fall morning in Montevideo. I'm getting used to the back-to-front seasons here, with the shortest day in June and the longest in December. I have just returned from a swim at my local pool, having cycled the two miles each way through quiet, leafy residential streets.</p> <p><br />Today I was there just after eight in the morning, and clearly, no-one under the age of fifty was up and about yet. The twenty-five meter, crystal clear pool was bathed in sunlight streaming through the wall-sized windows. Three lanes were completely empty, and the other three had been combined for a water aerobics class which was just starting. I joined in with about two dozen sprightly ladies and a couple of men for some serious early morning exercise.</p> <p><br />Mine is one of several excellent swimming pools in Montevideo. There is a superb one at Punta Carretas Golf Course (club de Golf de Uruguay), in the centre of town, and another at the Carrasco Lawn Tennis Club, four blocks from my home. But I play neither golf nor tennis, so the annual membership would not be worth my while. And anyway, I only want a pool in the cold season: in the summer I go to the beach.</p> <p><br />So I have joined the ACJ - the Asociaci&oacute;n Cristiana de Jovenes (the Young Christian Association - I'm not quite sure how I qualify for the Young bit, but then neither did any of my fellow water gymnasts this morning).</p> <p><br />For $35.00 a month, I have unlimited access to the pool. There are long stretches every day when it is practically empty. For $45.00 a month, I could have unlimited access to all the club's activities - machines, volleyball, karate, tango, choir, and many more.</p> <p><br />At the ACJ you will not meet many expats - they tend to be members of the Punta Carretas Golf Club or the Carrasco Lawn Tennis Club. But membership will do wonders for your Spanish. Just watch and copy the gorgeous, dynamic Jorge leaping up and down at the side of the pool as he leads the water aerobics class; listen to his vibrant voice, and you will soon learn that "<em>Brazos alternados</em>" means "Alternate arms" and "<em>Rodillas arriba</em>" means "Knees up".</p> <p><br />P.S. To join any sports club in Uruguay, you need a thorough medical check-up and a medical certificate, issued either by the club, or by one of the many medical insurance companies.</p> <p><br /><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Punta Carretas Golf Club: http://www.cgu.com.uy/mvdgolf.asp<br />Boulevard Artigas 379, Montevideo.<br />Tel: (598 2) 710 1721</span></p> <p><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br />For permanent residents, there is a one-off joining fee of $6700 (individual) o $10,000 (couple), and a monthly membership fee of $90 (individual) or $150 (couple). This covers all activities. Apart from a top quality 18-hole golf course, the club has both an indoor and outdoor swimming pool and numerous other activities.</span></p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Carrasco Lawn Tennis Club: http://www.clt.com.uy/<br />E.J. Couture 6401, Carrasco, Montevideo.<br />Tel: (598 2) 600 4312</span></p> <p><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br />For permanent residents, there is a one-off joining fee of $2,500 (individual) o $3100 (couple), and a monthly membership fee of $75 (individual) or $130 (couple). The club has 22 top quality tennis courts, an indoor and an outdoor pool, and numerous other activities.</span></p> <p><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Asociaci&oacute;n Cristiana de Jovenes: http://www.acj-ymca.org/</span></p> <p><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br />Esther de Caceres 5678, Portones, Montevideo<br />Tel: (598 2) 600 68 54<br />No joining fee. Monthly fee (individual) of &pound;35.00 for unlimited use of the pool, and $45.00 for all activities, payable only in the months that you wish to use the centre</span></p> <p>&nbsp;</p>

<p>&nbsp;</p> <p><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:PunctuationKerning /> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas /> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables /> <w:SnapToGridInCell /> <w:WrapTextWithPunct /> <w:UseAsianBreakRules /> <w:DontGrowAutofit /> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:Arial; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:36.0pt; mso-footer-margin:36.0pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> <!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><em><span style="font-family: ">I wrote this a couple of years ago when I was living in Uruguay.&nbsp; Unfortunately, the op only worked for a couple of months...and the honking bugles are back with a vengeance.&nbsp; I have now ordered an anti snoring ring - to go on my finger, not on my nose - it's supposed to work on pressure points.&nbsp; I'll try anything!&nbsp; Will let you know...</span></em></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: ">The bald, jolly Ear, Nose and Throat specialist, Dr Hammer, says that my <em>cornetes</em> are blocking my nostrils. Cauterising them may help solve my snoring problem.<span>&nbsp; </span>I look up <em>cornete</em> in my Spanish-English dictionary.<span>&nbsp; </span>It&rsquo;s not there, but I do find that <em>corneta</em> is a bugle and <em>corneteo</em> is a honking sound.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: ">On the day of the operation I fast for four hours as instructed.<span>&nbsp; </span>It&rsquo;s a cool, autumn day in Montevideo, Uruguay, where I live.<span>&nbsp; </span>I drive to the British Hospital in the pouring rain.<span>&nbsp; </span>I have to be there an hour early for the<em> </em></span><em><span style="font-family: ">tramites</span></em><span style="font-family: ">.<span>&nbsp; </span><em>Tramites</em> are procedures.<span>&nbsp; </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: ">I reach the British Hospital at one o&rsquo;clock.<span>&nbsp; </span>It is a magnificent imposing building from the mid-nineteenth century.<span>&nbsp; </span>As I walk up the grand steps and into the lobby, I sense an air of calm order.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p> <p><span style="font-family: ">The<em> </em></span><em><span style="font-family: ">tramites</span></em><span style="font-family: "> turn out to be simple:<span>&nbsp; </span>the receptionist looks at the document I have from the specialist and sends me up to </span><span style="font-family: ">surgery</span><span style="font-family: "> on the third floor.<span>&nbsp; </span>She doesn&rsquo;t ask me for I.D.<span>&nbsp; </span>She doesn&rsquo;t ask me to pay anything.<span>&nbsp; </span>The lift dates from 1958:<span>&nbsp; </span>one of those with the compressing latticed metal doors.<span>&nbsp; </span>It moves remarkably smoothly.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: ">In </span><span style="font-family: ">surgery</span><span style="font-family: "> I find a waiting room.<span>&nbsp; </span>There are three ladies and a man sitting quietly in leather armchairs, all looking healthy.<span>&nbsp; </span>They are wearing lilac gowns, sky blue puffy bath caps and matching big cloth slippers secured with ribbons.<span>&nbsp;&nbsp; </span>They are not smiling, not reading, not chatting, but just gazing into space.<span>&nbsp; </span>A nurse, wearing a green gown and the same blue slippers and cap, takes me into a tiny changing room and asks me to remove all my clothes, watch, and jewellery and put on the gown, cap and slippers that are on the stool. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: ">&ldquo;All?&rdquo;<span>&nbsp; </span>I ask.<span>&nbsp; </span>&ldquo;But I&rsquo;m here for my nostrils!&rdquo; </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: ">&ldquo;Well, you can keep your <em>bombachita</em> on&rdquo;, she concedes.<span>&nbsp;&nbsp; </span>Phew, my underpants can stay on.<span>&nbsp; </span>I feel safer.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "><span>&nbsp;</span>&ldquo;And my glasses?<span>&nbsp; </span>I can&rsquo;t see without my glasses, I can&rsquo;t think without my glasses&hellip;&rdquo;<span>&nbsp; </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: ">&ldquo;You can keep those too.&rdquo;</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: ">When I&rsquo;m ready, feeling lost without my watch, I sit in an armchair alongside the others. The nurse asks me to fill in a form.<span>&nbsp; </span>It&rsquo;s too quiet in here, and there&rsquo;s still a long wait.<span>&nbsp; </span>I&rsquo;m cold, so I the nurse brings me a blanket.<span>&nbsp; </span>I curl up and go to sleep.<span>&nbsp; </span>When I wake up I look around for a clock, but there isn&rsquo;t one.<span>&nbsp; </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: ">A male nurse comes in with a wheelchair and takes away one of the healthy ladies.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: ">He comes back with the wheelchair.<span>&nbsp; </span>&ldquo;<em>Se</em></span><em><span style="font-family: ">&ntilde;</span></em><em><span style="font-family: ">ora</span></em><span style="font-family: "> Fornari&rdquo; he says quietly. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "><span>&nbsp;</span>&ldquo;That&rsquo;s me,&rdquo; I whisper nervously.<span>&nbsp; </span>He asks me to get into the wheelchair.<span>&nbsp; </span>I refuse.<span>&nbsp; </span>&ldquo;I am here for my NOSTRILS,&rdquo; I growl.<span>&nbsp;</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "><span> </span>So I walk with him, beside the wheelchair, down a corridor, past three operating theatres.<span>&nbsp; </span>All have open doors and big windows, and all have a patient on a bed surrounded by several doctors. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: ">We reach my operating theatre, and where Dr Hammer is cheerfully waiting for me. I climb onto the bed and lie down.<span>&nbsp; </span>There is a huge light suspended over me.<span>&nbsp; </span>Dr Hammer straps a light round his forehead.<span>&nbsp; </span>He looks like a miner, or an explorer.<span>&nbsp; </span>I tell him I&rsquo;m nervous.<span>&nbsp; </span>He smiles.<span>&nbsp; </span>The male nurse watches.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: ">&ldquo;What are my chances?&rdquo;<span>&nbsp; </span>I ask. <span>&nbsp;</span>I mean chances of a successful outcome and peaceful nights.<span>&nbsp; </span>An end to sleeping in the snoring room.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: ">&ldquo;Fifty-fifty&rdquo;, he grins.<span>&nbsp; </span>I hope he understood my question.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: ">&ldquo;On a scale of one to ten, how serious is this operation?&rdquo;<span>&nbsp; </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: ">&ldquo;Two.&rdquo;<span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "><span>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: ">&ldquo;And on a scale of one to ten, how painful?&rdquo; </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: ">&ldquo;Two.&rdquo;</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: ">Two sounds bad to me.<span>&nbsp; </span>It&rsquo;s not zero, and it&rsquo;s not one.<span>&nbsp; </span>&ldquo;Okay, how does it compare to having a baby, or having your wisdom teeth out?&rdquo; </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: ">&ldquo;Well, I&rsquo;ve never had a baby, but I imagine that&rsquo;s worse than wisdom teeth. Wisdom teeth are way off the scale above ten.&rdquo;</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: ">I feel slightly reassured.<span>&nbsp; </span>Briefly.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: ">He puts a cold blue square piece of rubber on my leg.<span>&nbsp; </span>I ask what it is.<span>&nbsp; </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: ">&ldquo;It&rsquo;s the earth, for the electricity,&rdquo; he answers.<span>&nbsp; </span>I begin to panic.<span>&nbsp; </span>Electricity?<span>&nbsp; </span>He explains that he will anaesthetise my nostrils and then cauterise the <em>cornetes</em>.<span>&nbsp; </span>It will not be painful, but I will feel electric shocks. It will be over in a few minutes.<span>&nbsp; </span>He sprays a cold liquid into my nostrils, and I feel it dripping down the back of my throat.<span>&nbsp; </span>It tastes like the anti-snoring spray that doesn&rsquo;t work.<span>&nbsp; </span>My throat feels numb.<span>&nbsp; </span>With tweezers, he puts what seems like an endlessly long strip of wet cloth up each nostril.<span>&nbsp; </span>As he pulls each piece out a few seconds later, I think it must look like a gruesome magician&rsquo;s trick. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: ">&ldquo;We&rsquo;re ready to start,&rdquo; he says a few minutes later.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: ">&ldquo;Wait, wait!&rdquo;<span>&nbsp; </span>I say.<span>&nbsp; </span>&ldquo;I need someone to hold my hand&rdquo;.<span>&nbsp; </span>He beckons the male nurse, who comes and stands beside me.<span>&nbsp; </span>I grab his hand with both of mine and squeeze tight.<span>&nbsp; </span>He&rsquo;s lucky my nails are soft.<span>&nbsp; </span>Three electric shocks into my right nostril.<span>&nbsp;&nbsp; </span>I feel them all the way to my teeth.<span>&nbsp; </span>I burst into tears. No pain, just plain shock.<span>&nbsp; </span>The doctor pauses for a few minutes to wait for me to calm down.<span>&nbsp; </span>I do some yogic breathing:<span>&nbsp; </span>inhale<em>, </em>abdomen<em>, </em>chest, shoulder-blades, om one, om two, om three, om four, om five, om six. That&rsquo;s better.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: ">&ldquo;I&rsquo;m ready&rdquo;, I say, clutching the male nurse&rsquo;s hand with all my strength.<span>&nbsp; </span>Two shocks down the left nostril and we&rsquo;re done.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: ">I am not allowed to walk back to the waiting room.<span>&nbsp; </span>Regulations state that operated patients have to go in a wheelchair.<span>&nbsp; </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: ">I get dressed.<span>&nbsp; </span>I look at my watch.<span>&nbsp; </span>Three o&rsquo;clock.<span>&nbsp; </span>I sniff as I go down the lift.<span>&nbsp; </span>I feel exactly the same as before.<span>&nbsp; </span>What did I expect?</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: ">It&rsquo;s still raining as I get into my car.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">&nbsp;</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: ">Fifty-fifty, he said.<span>&nbsp; </span>I wonder which fifty it will be.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: ">&nbsp;</span></p> <p>&nbsp;</p>

<p><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:PunctuationKerning /> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas /> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables /> <w:SnapToGridInCell /> <w:WrapTextWithPunct /> <w:UseAsianBreakRules /> <w:DontGrowAutofit /> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:Verdana; panose-1:2 11 6 4 3 5 4 4 2 4; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:swiss; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:-1593833729 1073750107 16 0 415 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:ES; mso-fareast-language:EN-US; font-weight:bold;} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:36.0pt; mso-footer-margin:36.0pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> <!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><em><span>This being August, I'm feeling a bit nostaligic for Nostalgia Night in Montevideo, so I thought I'd revive this piece, which was one of the very first things I wrote.</span></em></p> <p class="MsoNormal">&nbsp;</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>The Uruguayans like partying &ndash; and they hook their parties onto <em>D&iacute;as </em>&ndash; special days.<span>&nbsp; </span></span><span><em>El D&iacute;a de la Mama, el D&iacute;a del Papa</em>&hellip; Okay, those are pretty ordinary. </span><span>But then you get Child&rsquo;s Day, Grandparents&rsquo; Day, No Smoking Day, Holy Innocents&rsquo; Day &ndash; even the Light of the Nights in December, when the sky is ablaze with fireworks for the official opening of the beaches.<span>&nbsp; </span>And in the middle of winter, on 24 August, there is Nostalgia Night.<span>&nbsp; </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span>&nbsp;</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>I first heard about it from my friend Raquel.<span>&nbsp; </span>&ldquo;Everyone goes out.<span>&nbsp; </span>You dress up, you dance, you have fun.&rdquo;</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>&nbsp;</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>&lsquo;Why on 24 August?&rsquo;</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>&nbsp;</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>Her reply: &ldquo;<em>Claro</em>.<span>&nbsp; </span></span><span>Because it&rsquo;s <em>la noche de la nostalgia</em>.&rsquo;</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>&nbsp;</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>I ask a few Uruguayan friends about the history of the revelry.<span>&nbsp; </span>No-one knows.<span>&nbsp; </span>Nothing on the Internet.<span>&nbsp; </span>But for weeks coming up to the event the national newspapers are filled with advertisements for dinners and dances.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>&nbsp;</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>We receive three invitations.<span>&nbsp; </span>One to a flower power party at an English friend&rsquo;s house, another from a Dutch neighbor to a karaoke and dance party.<span>&nbsp; </span>The third invites us to take a steam train to a wine <em>bodega </em>and drink the night away.<span>&nbsp; </span>This last one sounds like even more fun than the others, but a freak storm hits Uruguay the night before and Invitation Three is cancelled.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>&nbsp;</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>We plump for the flower power party.<span>&nbsp; </span>What shall I wear?<span>&nbsp; </span>I don&rsquo;t have flares, or even &ldquo;flairs&rdquo;, as specified in the invitation, nor do I have long hair to braid and decorate with flowers.<span>&nbsp; </span>I decide I&rsquo;ll be an anachronistic punk.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>&nbsp;</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span>&nbsp;</span>I start with Gloria, my hairdresser.<span>&nbsp; </span>And yes!<span>&nbsp; </span>She has the answer to my question! </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>&nbsp;</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>&ldquo;Thirty years ago,&rdquo; she says, as she shampoos my hair and the water trickles into my ears, &ldquo;a night club owner decided to have a retro party on 24 August, and the idea caught on.<span>&nbsp; </span>Now there isn&rsquo;t a night club or restaurant in Montevideo that doesn&rsquo;t mark <em>la noche de la nostalgia</em>.&rdquo; </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>&nbsp;</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>She chops, hennas, gels, tweaks and tugs.<span>&nbsp; </span>The result is attractive &ndash; black with a russet tinge and spiky. Okay, I&rsquo;ll build on this.<span>&nbsp; </span>I never was very punky, but I have a black slinky top.<span>&nbsp; </span></span><span>And a jangly Zanzibar chain.<span>&nbsp; </span>And a mean-looking heavy silver bangle.<span>&nbsp; </span>I can add some black eye makeup.<span>&nbsp; </span>And my black ankle boots.<span>&nbsp;&nbsp; </span>&ldquo;I&rsquo;ll lend you my black leather jacket," says Gloria.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>&nbsp;</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>But I need black jeans, and it&rsquo;s already 6 p.m.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>&nbsp;</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>&ldquo;Juan Perez,&rdquo; I decide.<span>&nbsp; </span>Since my extremely elegant friend Eugenia let me into her secret, I have become a regular at Juan Perez, a poky little second-hand shop in my neighbourhood, where you can uncover real treasures.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>&nbsp;</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span>&nbsp;</span>&ldquo;Black jeans?&rdquo; I ask.<span>&nbsp; </span>The two pairs they have don&rsquo;t fit.<span>&nbsp; </span>(In Europe I&rsquo;m considered &lsquo;medium&rsquo; &ndash; here, among the sleek South American beauties, I&rsquo;ve become &lsquo;Extra Large&rsquo;)</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>&nbsp;</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>&ldquo;What about these?&rdquo; The salesgirl hands me a pair of stretch black pants with pseudo-leather strips down the sides.<span>&nbsp; </span>Not really my taste, but I try them on.<span>&nbsp; </span>Perfect fit.<span>&nbsp; </span>And definitely punky.<span>&nbsp; </span>And somehow, they look familiar.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>&nbsp;</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>&ldquo;How much?&rdquo;</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>&nbsp;</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>&ldquo;300 pesos, <em>se&ntilde;ora</em>.&rdquo;</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>&nbsp;</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span>&nbsp;</span>300 pesos?<span>&nbsp; </span>That&rsquo;s $12!<span>&nbsp; </span>You can hardly go wrong with $12.<span>&nbsp; </span>I buy them.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>&nbsp;</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>At home I take them out of the bag and suddenly realize where I saw them last.<span>&nbsp; </span>I tried them on for fun last week in a smart shop in glitzy Punta del Este&hellip; they were priced at over $250. I read the label.<span>&nbsp; </span>Valentino&rsquo;s&hellip;</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>&nbsp;</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>VALENTINO&rsquo;S!</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>&nbsp;</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span>&nbsp;</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>&nbsp;</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>Juan Perez</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>&nbsp;Rostland 1551 bis</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>&nbsp;Carrasco</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Montevideo</p> <p>&nbsp;</p>