<p><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables /> <w:SnapToGridInCell /> <w:WrapTextWithPunct /> <w:UseAsianBreakRules /> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]> <span class="mceItemObject" classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id=ieooui> </span> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--> <!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman";} </style> <![endif]--></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">There&rsquo;s a good chance our little Anniekins will get her two front teeth for Christmas as the bottom two are now showing up like a couple of little pearls.<span>&nbsp; </span>The rest of the clan have somewhat different tastes!</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">For some reason most of the off-spring are sourcing and buying their own presents this year, mainly due to the ease of online shopping I suspect.<span>&nbsp; </span>This suits me fine as I hate shopping at the best of times.<span>&nbsp; </span>Pushing around crowded shops, served by bored assistants and being charged an arm and a leg for car parking isn&rsquo;t my idea of a festive frolic!</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">Even so, I suspect that Chicken G&rsquo;s mum would have much preferred some M &amp; S smellies than the coffin she almost got!</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">Chicken G is one of several young lads that gravitate to our yard, lured by the attractions of tractor and landrover body parts and the company of my sons who can always find a job for willing hands!</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">G though is a bit special!<span>&nbsp; </span>He is 16 going on 40.<span>&nbsp; </span>He farms his own pigs with a ready customer base for the free range pork.<span>&nbsp; </span>He also sells eggs and hens, (hence the name) and like any good farmer, is always on the look out for a bargain which is how he came to buy a coffin for &pound;30 off Ebay!</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">As Chicken G has yet to pass his test, (although this doesn&rsquo;t stop him driving through the woods from his farm to our yard), No 2 son volunteered to do the pick up, little realising he&rsquo;d have to go into the middle of London!<span>&nbsp; </span>Undeterred, the two of them pulled up outside a smart Georgian terrace in No. 2 son&rsquo;s breakdown truck and proceeded to load the coffin into the back after deciding it wouldn&rsquo;t be respectful roping it to the top of the truck.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">This proved somewhat difficult as various tools and boxes had to be relocated onto the roof.<span>&nbsp; </span>While this was being done the coffin remained on the pavement, much to the horrified stares of passers by!</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">Meanwhile Chicken G&rsquo;s mum had got wind of the impending arrival of her mortality confronting gift and made it clear in no uncertain terms that the coffin was not coming into the house!</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">Chicken G, unable to understand his mother&rsquo;s somewhat violent stance against his Christmas bargain, had no choice but to store the thing in his farm shop.<span>&nbsp; </span>Unfortunately the &ldquo;shop&rdquo; is little more than a wooden shed, hardly big enough to swing the proverbial cat which meant the coffin had to be stood on end.<span>&nbsp; </span>You can imagine the shock suffered by one of his customers when on opening the door the poor woman walked into the plush velvet lining of the open coffin!</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">The coffin now resides in a small outhouse and Chicken G mainly uses it to store eggs, but has been known to sleep in it on occasions when late home from the pub!</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">I&rsquo;d love to be able to show you a photo, but alas I don&rsquo;t have one to hand.<span>&nbsp; </span>Instead here&rsquo;s little Annikins in festive mood.</span></p> <p><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></p>

<p><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables /> <w:SnapToGridInCell /> <w:WrapTextWithPunct /> <w:UseAsianBreakRules /> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]> <span class="mceItemObject" classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id=ieooui> </span> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--> <!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman";} </style> <![endif]--></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">Once upon a Christmas time our house resembled something like a cross between a Hare Krishna shrine and a bad acid trip.<span>&nbsp; </span>Fortunately the days when the kids fought to near death for the privilege of placing the fairy on top of the tree after adorning it with all manner of garish knickknacks, paper lanterns, cut out angels and various other festive craft items dreamed up by well meaning primary school teachers is long gone!</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">I now have full control over what adorns our walls and ceilings and what doesn&rsquo;t.<span>&nbsp; </span>Well almost full control.<span>&nbsp; </span>I will draw a veil over the little altercation I had a couple of years ago with Nearest &amp; Dearest.<span>&nbsp; </span>He referred to my dripping, icicle twinklies which I&rsquo;d tastefully arranged along the front of the house, (to much public acclaim, I might add), &ldquo;tacky&rdquo; and insisted on replacing them last year with a string of prim, multi-colours which were only permitted to fade discretely on and off between the hours of 4.00 p.m. and 11.00 p.m.<span>&nbsp; </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">My twinklies performed 24/7 and never failed to turn the heads of passing walkers, cyclists and motorists.<span>&nbsp; </span>I dare say the odd pilot probably wasn&rsquo;t adverse to a quick glance either, since we are under one of the East Midland flight paths!</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">Anyway, for the sake of marital harmony, the twinklies are no more and neither are the multi-colours as we can&rsquo;t find the transformer!<span>&nbsp; </span>Apart from this small problem, the rest of the glittery decs are up and we have a very nice Christmas tree taking pride of place in the hall.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">Actually we also have a very nice Christmas tree in the middle of our lawn and another one by our front door.<span>&nbsp; </span>There are definite advantages of having tree surgeons in the family as these fine conifers all appeared in our garden as if by magic.<span>&nbsp; </span>No doubt the work of wood elves!<span>&nbsp; </span>N &amp; D took an executive decision and proclaimed the tree near the door &ldquo;tacky&rdquo; (as you&rsquo;ve realised, one of his favourite adjectives) and gave it to a neighbour, who it seems, doesn&rsquo;t mind tackyness.<span>&nbsp; </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">My favourite decs though are the real things.<span>&nbsp; </span>Proper holly that stabs your fingers and drops wizened berries on the carpet for the dog to eat and then regurgitate on someone&rsquo;s Christmas slippers.<span>&nbsp; </span>Beautifully variegated ivy accompanied by the full spectrum of insect life, including little red spiders which drop into the trifle and quickly disguise themselves amongst the hundreds and thousands and best of all, my authentic Yule log.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">I spend ages looking for just the right size and shape which N &amp; D always objects to, but on Yule log matters I won&rsquo;t be dissuaded!<span>&nbsp; </span>I am resolute!<span>&nbsp; </span>After admitting defeat, N &amp; D barrows this in from the wood pile.<span>&nbsp; </span>No mean feat this as the logs are stored two muddy fields away and he always complains his knuckles drag on the floor by the time he gets back!<span>&nbsp;&nbsp; </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">The log is then adorned with candles, holly, ivy and any other evergreens I can find.<span>&nbsp; </span>So what if we have to suffer leaked ditch water and a few wood louse for a few days.<span>&nbsp; </span>There is always a fly in the ointment of life!<span>&nbsp; </span>You can&rsquo;t have authenticity with out its associated wildlife.<span>&nbsp; </span>Our Yule log takes pride of place on the hearth and is only removed to a less conspicuous area when the fire is lit.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">I would love to be able to show you this year&rsquo;s effort, but it isn&rsquo;t coming in until Sunday so here is the Christmas tree instead!</span></p> <p><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></p>

<p><span style="font-size: small;">My feet are soaking and I'm perished, but not as frozen as No 3 son who has just completed the Tough Guy cross country race and assult course!</span></p> <p><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></p> <p><span style="font-size: small;">The Tough Guy is staged each year to raise funds for an animal sancturary and is definitely not for wimps!&nbsp; Competitiors have to complete a 10K run and then tackle an SAS type assult course which involves quite a lot of water.&nbsp; This was iced over today and thick with mud.&nbsp; The runners have to splash through it, swim in it and duckunder it on many occassions.&nbsp; </span></p> <p><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></p> <p><span style="font-size: small;">Oh and did I mention the fire and the huge climbing ranges?&nbsp; And just for a bit of variety the half melted ice made things a lot more interesting by creating some very slippery surfaces.</span></p> <p><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></p> <p><span style="font-size: small;">By the time they had finished, most of the runners were suffering from mild hypothermia including my lad!&nbsp; He's fine now and basking in the glow of his brothers admiration!</span></p> <p><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></p> <p><span style="font-size: small;">Lots of info about the Tough Guy here: <a href="http://www.toughguy.co.uk" title="Tough Guy">www.toughguy.co.uk</a>&nbsp; (Just in case you fancying giving a try!).</span></p>