The Grand Canyon.

I live in the UK. It's a long way to go just to see a hole in the ground, and why should when I can watch the Gas Board digging our street up every other day when they come to cut another non-payer off.

The Pyramids

I had enough of pyramid selling in the 80s, and it's all right having a pointed roof like that, but they forgot to put in a chimney. That means you can't have a fire and it gets bloody cold in the desert at night.

The Coliseum

I've worked for builders like the ones who slung up this place. No windows, no doors, no roof and look how far you have to walk to the dunny. And what's their excuse? "We're waiting for a skip, guv."

The Humber Bridge

The fifth longest suspension bridge in the world and the longest you can cross on foot. It's bad enough leaving Yorkshire to go to Lincolnshire, but who needs a short cut?

The Hoover Dam

This is the wrong way round, isn't it? It should be the damned Hoover, especially when she runs it over the carpet while I'm trying to check my football pools.

Ayres Rock

Another mistake: spelling this time. I didn't know you could buy rock in Ayr, and anyway I prefer Blackpool.

Stonehenge.

I read somewhere that it's a calendar. A CALENDAR!!! Can you imagine Mrs MacTavish saying, "What's the date, Jock?" "I'll just nip to Wiltshire to find out, dear. Back in about a month."  Why didn't they settle for pictures of kittens hanging on the wall?