' Don't tell a soul ok but - Reuban Slate has been sent down from Uni, his father is distraught, him being such a pillar of the community.'

'You don't say!Of course I won't tell a soul....'

'Keep this to yourself please but - Reuban Slate has gone down for vandalising a pillar box in the community, his father is quite distraught.'

' No - how awful but rest assured this will go no further....'

'Please don't spread this but there is a rumour - Reuban Slate's father has been put down by quiet Des Wrought  probably with the help of a pillow found in the community club.'

' What a dreadful rumour, trust me, I won't spread it....'

'You know how I hate gossip, so Mum's the word but - Ruby's late, probably in the club and the father is Des Wrought, widely regarded as a pillock in the community!'

' As you say Mum's the word.....................'