Released hard on the heels of that rather startling comment by the Morris Ring that Morris dancing would be extinct in twenty years due to the lack of young blood, you could be forgiven for thinking that this movie would provide the Morris with a timely shot in the arm. Unfortunately, it’s more likely to be a shot in the foot! If you are expecting a celebration of traditional English folk dance and music then you are in for a shock!

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This low budget film currently doing the rounds of a series of village halls in the west country has captured a lot of media interest most of which make much of the ludicrous spectacle of hairy men skipping to the music of a wheezy melodeon and waving hankies. Why is this? Because that is exactly what the film portrays! Oh you’ll also read that it features one man’s struggle to express his need to change and grow in spite of stick in the mud fuddyduds determine to chain him to an archaic past, but as these have mainly been written by people associated with the film, it’s high time for an independent review! First though, a little resume.

The story centres around Derecq Twist and the Millsham Morris Men. A disparate collection of bearded, cider swilling rustics whose occupations range from pub landlord to artificial inseminator. Derecq has ambitions to perform the terrifyingly intricate Threeple Hammer Damson, a traditional Morris move requiring nerve and great skill. Unfortunately, Derecq has a dark side! He has leanings towards a radical version of Morris dancing which brings him into conflict with the Morris Ring and eventually gets him stripped of his sticks and hankies by the sinister looking Endeavour Hungerfjord Welsh of Mosside Morris, hit men for the Morris Ring!

Forced into exile, Derecq, flees to America and joins the Orange County Morris Men who are the very antipathy of the Millsham side! They are so camp you wonder how their wrists could possible flick a hanky, never mind a stick! After a reality check in America, Derecq returns to the Morris fold with his new love, Sonja.

All good stuff so far and as a fledgling border Morris dancer, I couldn’t wait to see Morris: A Life With Bells On so when I got the chance to catch it at Durweston village hall I leapt at it! The show started at 7.30 p.m. but the hall was all ready packed by 7.00 p.m. Forget the plush seats and wide screened cinescapes, if you wanted comfort you needed to bring your own cushion!

Hardly Cineworld, but who cares, we weren’t there to admire the furnishings. The atmosphere was alive with anticipation and we spent a pleasant half hour chatting to a couple of delightful old ladies sitting to our rear. Were they involved with Morris dancing? I asked.

“Ooo no, we don’t know nurthin’ ‘bout no Morris dancing,” they said, “we’ze only ‘ere fer a night out.” That, together with the local connection and just plain curiosity whipped up by the media was probably true of a large proportion of the audience, but looking around, there was a sizeable sprinkling of obvious folky types. (Beards, shaggy locks and patchworked hand knits).

Lights out and we were off! The film takes the form of a documentary and there are some very humorous touches. Derek Jacqobie, playing the head of the Morris Ring, looks more like a fat, cat banker than a folk dancing enthusiast, Dorchester “airport” brought a burst of laughter from the locals and limp wristed poofs always raise a laugh, (whoops shouldn’t have said that!).

So what’s the problem? Probably none, as long as you are not a member of the brotherhood, but unless they’d got a text message to say their house was on fire, I suspect the couple who left half way through the film weren’t quite so amused by what the film portrayed. We got all the stereotypical characters associated with the Morris and then some, but what we didn’t get was any appreciable amount of dancing! What we had were a few short clips none of which seemed to last longer than a few seconds. Even the New Morris routine, which incidentally, never actually became clear what this was, merited only a very short clip featuring Derecq and the Poofs d’ensemble rocking it up at a US folk festival.

The dancing, then was very much second fiddle, talking of which, where were the fiddles? The whistles? The melodeons? The accordions? Morris may be about dancing but without the music you might as well settle for a game of hop scotch! You can’t have one without the other, but apparently you can! As far as I can remember, no musician actually appeared in the film!

They say there is no such thing as bad publicity and the film is certainly putting the Morris in the spotlight so that’s all to the good, but will it encourage new dancers? Well ask yourself this, would your teenage son risk his street cred for the chance to shake his bells and hankies in public? Not after seeing this film he wouldn’t! I’m sure Twist films would counter this by saying the purpose of the film wasn’t to act as a recruitment drive for the Morris, but like it or not, the film has thrust Morris dancing into the public spotlight and makes a very good job of confirming what the ignorant masses have always thought, Morris dancers are a bunch of eccentric buffoons who can’t even drag their governing body into the twentieth century!

Of course we should remember that Morris: A Life With Bells On is a spoof and as such is meant to poke fun. A really good spoof however, usually manages to make an oblique or subtle point about an essentially serious topic. I couldn’t really see what this was trying to say. Some media reviews have likened it to the Full Monty and Billy Elliott. Sorry, but those films managed to address some quite serious issues. This doesn’t have that level of insight.

Perhaps it isn’t meant too. Maybe it is just a low budget film caught up in a media whirl of a throw away comment by a little known, off-beat organisation that happened to get its press release out at just the right time. If so all credit to Twist films for being in the right place at the right time and you do have to hand it to them, it is a very slick production backed up by a very informative website.

Did I enjoyed it? Yes! The general public will take it to its heart and if you’re a member of the brotherhood, (or sisterhood), so will you, but don’t expect to be dancing in the isles or a flush of new recruits at your next practice session. You will smile though. After all, Morris dancers like nothing more than a good laugh, especially when we know where the last one lies!