Your Father's Knife
When one of your boyfriends said the knife in your dreams symbolised a penis, he was wrong: it was wishful thinking on his part. (His real blade, which marked him out as gang leader, was big and he wielded it impressively.) No, your father's knife that you dream about is not his penis but his tongue, which cut deftly and repeatedly into you and your mother:
Get off your backside, you lazy slut. What are you doing now, you fat cow? You're just like your mother, you lying bitch. Even his softer criticism had a sharp edge: Why can't you be more like your step-brother, you clumsy idiot? But after his final finely-crafted ultimatum to your mother: Get out and take your brat child with you!, the fifteen years of silence cut his words even deeper.
And now, at last, he is dead. In your dreams, he no longer holds the paper knife because he will never be able to cut you again. Now you hold it instead. You should be crying with relief. Instead, you feel numb, because without the pain of his words cutting into you, there is nothing to remind you that you are alive.
You feel nothing any more but the weight of his knife in your hand. You hug the ornately carved handle in your palm and practise slicing the air; try to cut a door or window away from your past. But they won't open. You run the shiny sharp blade lightly across your other palm. A trickle of red runs across your hand, yet still you can't feel anything. So you look at the smooth white skin of your forearm. It is etched with his words that only you can see. Perhaps now, if you dig deep enough, you can cut them out.
25 November, 2007
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Comments, Pingbacks:
· http://www.writelink.co.uk/blogs/marilyn It also evoked a vicious circle feel that was described from a psychological stance and how this affects the victim. The circle was hard to break, especially after only experiencing abuse not only from the father figure, but also from the boyfriend.
The second person point of view narration had quite a strong impact on me as a reader, but do feel that this could also be narrated from both a victim's point of view and from a third person point of view. I might give it a try...
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01/12/07 @ 10:26 · http://www.milltech-systems.co.uk Yes, I'm not quite sure why I chose the second person. I think it was partly because it was a continuation (though hopefully complete in itself) of the original message, which was in the second person.
I think I liked it too cos it implies the need for an outside person to step in and give her some advice/help her see clearly what is going on? Maybe also because it creates (I hope) some sort of emotional distancing from the events such as the I of the story might feel(like it has happened to someone else)? I guess the third person would also do this but perhaps be too distancing compared to you?
It would definitely be interesting to experience it from these different points of view. I love playing with points of view and, in particular, like unreliable narrators. Don't forget to post if you do have a play, it would be great to see what happens.
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01/12/07 @ 22:00