When Annie told him she was pregnant, Gareth was delighted. In fact, he already knew. There was no doubt in his mind that he knew her better than she knew herself. It was the greatest news he could imagine, and he told her so.

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It was after Annie had Charlie that the problems      started. It wasn't obvious   at first, but as tiredness        took over, she changed.    She became harder    for him to read       and Gareth began    to notice gaps      . She would forget     things:       missing    names, missing      places; absences        when Annie seemed to slip away    so far into her mind      that even Gareth couldn't find        her.

He tried   to talk to her, but      it was difficult       to find time    alone together     to do so. Her life was absorbed,       by Charlie;    her sleep       broken and restless.       Her thoughts    appeared to him erratic,     her mind disorganised.       He could no longer map    it, and what he could find      was filled with nursery rhymes, cooing       and shushes.    All of what had made her so interesting     to him – the variety and depth       of her intelligence,    recollections     and experiences –       seemed to have vanished.    He couldn't touch    her any more, and it was not just her body     that she kept solely        for the baby,    but her dreams.      Or perhaps,        it was not   that these things had disappeared?      Maybe she was more in control         than he thought,   and simply wouldn't share     them with him any more?     Either way, he was scared           of falling    through the holes.

Gareth tried to plug     the spaces,        with what he remembered    for her. But the colour      seeped away from his version       of her life.   She was a different      woman: a stranger        , with no past    or future he could explore      . He was stuck        in a present    filled with nothing      but nappies,        crying    and sleepless nights.

9 November, 2007