I'm not a big fan of 'trick or treating' but am not one to say 'no' to the chance to dress up in silly costumes. So, to get me and everyone else in the mood, here's a few spooky jokes, a creepy piece of flash fiction and some Halloween pix. Not for the faint-hearted...

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Question: Where do ghosts prefer to go on holiday?

Answer: Wails!

The Carver

I remember the first cut: the blade of his knife caressing my skin, the sting of that first nick, the gentle pressure at the beginning, as if he was merely sketching out a tattoo.

Then he dug the point deeper, started slicing frantically into my flesh as if he was trying to etch his desires onto me, or loose the demons inside him.

Of course, I resisted. But he held me firmly, tightly. There was no escape.

He whistled as he sank his blade further in, imprinting himself on me. It was then that he did the real damage.

Later, I heard him strike a match, felt a hot flame inside me. But instead of burning me up, it was as if the heat numbed the pain – until later that day: Halloween.

And now I sit here waiting, worrying: not for me and my now raw, exposed orange flesh but for the children who will call tonight. What terrifies me most is his skill at carving living flesh and how the face he cut in my skin mirrors exactly his own evil expression.

Question: What's the worst cocktail to give a ghost?

Answer: Anything with strong spirits in it!

Question: What do ghosts and ghouls like for pudding?

Answer: Ice cream (I scream)!

Well, I didn't say they were good jokes!