The current writelink Classic Rejections contest calls for writers to imagine they are the author of a classic novel, play, poem or song and have just received a detailed rejection letter from a present day publisher or agent. But how do you deliver a down-to-earth rejection letter for a manuscript that still seems divinely written?

(I originally started writing this for the competition but as there is already another entry on the same work, I thought I'd post it here.)

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Dear Author,

Thank you for sending us your manuscript which we have read carefully. However, I am afraid we are unable to accept it for publication.

It is not our policy to offer authors advice. However you may wish to consider the following:

1.Submission guidelines: We would remind authors to only send us the first few chapters and a brief synopsis, not their full manuscript, especially not all 1,500 pages of it. Today's market demands a fast read, not the like of Tolstoy's War and Peace.

2.Coherency: Mastery of a range of techniques, such as first and third person, the epistolary form, multiple viewpoints and stories within the story, is great, but the author must know how to use them. A mishmash of such techniques in one book will not appeal to the reader.

3.Scope: Remember to focus on the main story eg friendship and betrayal. Beware of becoming sidetracked into the genealogy and family history of all your characters.

4.Credibility: Modern readers call for gritty realism, not miracles like walking on water or parting oceans.

5.Spice: A little romance/sex/mystery never goes amiss in today's bestsellers.

6.Title: Choose this carefully. “The Bible” is, frankly, uninspiring. You might consider something more catchy, such as “Betrayed”.

7.Threats: No publisher reacts well to threats of bolts of lightning, plagues of locusts or the death of their pets and children should an author's work be rejected.

I wish you luck placing your manuscript elsewhere.

Yours,
N.O. Faith (Publishing Director, Devil's Imprint)