Mater

It’s nearing midnight and she’s still working. On the other manuscript! At least mine got a mention somewhere today, although she didn‘t seem to take all that much notice. I’ll have to be grateful for small mercies, I suppose.

[More:]

But I sense her eyelids beginning to droop. I’d better get ready for that mind to mind moment and hope she doesn’t cop out and fall asleep on me.

Well, it looked promising. She drifted, without really going to sleep, but I had to bide my time. As you know, I have plenty of practice. And did it work? Yes and no. At least I seemed to get one point across. As for a resolution, well…

She knows that I’m not happy with the state of affairs. It’s not what I was led to believe would happen when she started to form my character. And, I prodded her shoulder (Anna doesn’t like that), how would she like to go through what seems like forever, nameless? No decision’s been made, in case you wondered. I’m still the Would-Be-Protagonist. A bit of a mouthful, don’t you think?

She didn’t have any idea for a name when she started out with my story, but thought it would come naturally as she wrote. It generally does. But this time it didn’t. How do you name what essentially is nothing, except in spirit? There again, how could she show me growing and gaining in substance, without ever referring to me by name? She resorted to ’little one’. That could be a child - any child. But not me. It’s not quite what I was then and certainly not what I am now.

For a while she toyed with the idea of calling me Omega, as she thought she might make me one of the last ones. But she’s making assumptions. Besides, once she’d penned it, she saw the name used in all sorts of ways, even on the side of vans, for goodness sake. My name is supposed to be a bit more special than that. At least we agreed on that point.

Staying with the Greek alphabet (why Greek?), she thought perhaps Upsilon would do. Towards the end, but not the end. I vetoed that. Sounds archaic to me. So I was left nameless then and I still am now.

Anna argued that as I was genderless at the very beginning, being named didn’t matter, nor was it appropriate, in her opinion. But it does matter. It matters to me. A name would distinguish me from all those other nameless entities floating about in her head, waiting for a story to attach themselves to. It would set me apart.

So, did we come up with any ideas? Well, I wouldn’t have a clue, would I? Anna didn’t seem to have any either. How do people name their children if it’s so difficult? So we got nowhere, but at least it set her thinking, and that must be a step forward.

I didn’t mean for the whole question to pursue her into her sleep though, giving her a restless night. Honest. And I am honest, you know. I don’t have the capability to lie - at least not yet. As far as I can understand, anyway. Something to do with my make-up, I think (no, not the kind girls wear on their faces - although I was tempted to try, before I knew what I was).

Anyway, her eyes are red and sore this morning. She looks like she’s been on a bender. Perhaps she made a visit to that virtual bar. I was out of it, so I don’t know. I can’t always be wide awake and aware - and I found last night’s session exhausting. Nothing disturbed my sleep!

We stayed on the subject of naming my character far too long and I almost lost sight of what I really wanted her to take on board - my actual plight. Being a nameless entity is bad enough, but to be without a purpose or destination is even worse. It was all in place once and I want it back. I want to move on, like the characters in the other story she’s writing. They’ve got names and dialogues. Their story is moving forward. It’s time she took me a bit further, too.

I think she got the message, but I didn’t expect her to lose sleep over our little session. Isn’t that just the way? I’ve addled her brain. Hope it’s temporary!