Mater

I gave her a taste of her own medicine last night. She doesn’t realise what I can do.

[More:]

I suppose she thinks that I’m a mere figment of her imagination, but I’ll give her imagination.

Last night I made her wait - and wait. It was just a matter of hovering around till she was fast asleep. Of course that’s takes some waiting on my part, but I’m used to that. Then I struck. I took her on a never-ending journey, with no real purpose and no destination. You get the idea, don’t you? It’s what she’s been doing to me.

I wasn’t exactly enjoying putting her through the wringer like that, but what else can I do? It’s not like I can physically lead her to the desk and make her pick up the pen, is it? And if I could, she’d only go writing about something completely different. D’you know, she’s even set up a blog on her progress on that other novel of hers. So, what’s wrong with me? Perhaps I should enjoy making her squirm.

I did. I jolted her out of her dream without having reached anywhere (just like she did with me), and while she was still in a state of confusion I dropped her right into another dream and then I let her stew. Or queue. Or both. In any case it’s a waiting game - and I know all about that.

Anna found herself in a Post Office queue. She detests queues. She says she doesn’t hate anything, but if you’re doing a crossword and the clue is ‘detest’ - 4 letters - 3rd letter ‘t’ - which word would that be? Exactly. So she hates queuing and waiting. Not that she would ever jump a queue, mind you. That’s why this seemed such a good idea. I made her have to stay there. Usually she turns on her heals and stomps off. And this woman used to be so patient.

She was only third in the queue. An old man was first. Her impatience melted as he struggled to get all his business sorted with apologetic looks and gentle, unsure smiles. Somehow it back-fired on me and even though I dragged it out for an hour, she was okay. So that one didn’t work. That’s where I got clever. I took over the young man in front of her (felt kind of good to have a body at last, even if it was only temporary) and made myself as awkward as it’s possible to get. And that's AWKWARD! For two long hours I had my fun, as the lady behind the counter tried repeatedly to deal with my requests. I had to stop myself laughing as I thought of yet another one. I could feel Anna breathing down my neck as her blood was coming slowly to the boil. or perhaps it was not so slow.
‘Oh, and could I have two second class stamps, please?’
I could almost feel her hands closing round my neck. That’s when I beat a hasty retreat and left that poor, young man blushing in my wake, not quite sure why he had his hands full of various postal items and forms, his credit card and a receipt showing him that he could forget the shopping.
‘I only wanted a couple of stamps,’ he stuttered, as he backed away. Anna just glared at him as she stepped up to the counter. I made her forget what she was there for. I had my fun. She woke up all agitated. Ha! Now that she knows what it’s like to wait in a queue for a couple of hours, perhaps she’ll spare me a thought - having to queue up for her attention with all sorts of characters, year in and year out. If she pushes me back to the end of the queue for long enough, I might just forget why I was here in the first place.

Wouldn’t you just know it. Anna is giving me the silent treatment. Not quite what I expected, but perhaps she hasn’t put two and two together yet. Or she has, and has come up with the wrong answer. You know what I mean?