Whilst waiting for a Halle Orchestra concert of Sibelius and Rachmaninov to begin at the magnificent Bridgewater Hall in Manchester, the usual announcements were made:
Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the Bridgewater Hall. Could I remind you to switch off mobile phones, pagers and watch alarms.
Then the lady stopped. She should have continued:
Could I also ask that you quickly decide which spectacles will give you the best view of the orchestra and then put the other pair away with the customary loud snap of the case, BEFORE the first piece begins. Ditto for handbag clasps.
If you didn’t manage to eat before you came out then, why not! Most of us eat at the table. If you are so badly organised that you couldn’t manage that, then why on earth did you buy the junk food with the loudest wrapper?
If you have brought small children because you couldn’t find a baby-sitter and you thought that classical music would improve their brain-power then please tie them to the seat and gag them. Mozart and Bach do have a positive influence on the brain. You have brought them to a Sibelius concert – perhaps you should ALL go home and listen to lots and lots of Mozart.
If you have a cough then you should be at home in bed.
Try to enjoy the concert.
Grayling 9/07
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02/10/07 @ 15:44