A piece written for a meeting of Yarm Writers Group. Can you identify the quotations used? {20 in all} To help you I have added numbers in the appropriate place.

[More:]

Einstein had a famous equation. No not E = mc2, but A = x + y +z. If A is success in life, x is work and y is play. What’s z you might ask? I have a problem with z, as this is keeping your mouth shut.

When I was young I was told that if at first you don’t succeed then you should try and try again. This is why skydiving is not for me.(1)

So am I a flop or a success? That’s not for me to say. However you should remember that flops tend to be forgotten whereas successes go on and on. On the whole everyone remembers the successes and not the flops.(2)

It has been suggested that woman was God’s second mistake. It is difficult to see how this fits in with the man who said, “The secrets of success are a good wife and a steady job. My wife told me so.”(3)

My wife often says I am a fool so I must be useful to those who believe that we should be thankful for fools. But for them the rest of us would not succeed.(4) However all you need in life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.(5) I hope I am a success because behind every successful man there is a surprised woman.(6) However success is relative. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.(7) Perhaps there’s hope for me after all.

The toughest thing about success is that you’ve got to keep on being a success.(8) Even if there are moments when everything goes well; don’t be frightened. It won’t last.(9) After all nothing recedes like success.(10) Success is just a matter of luck. Ask any failure.(11)

There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?(12) A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.(13) But the worst part of success is to try to find someone who is happy for you.(14)
For an actress to be a success, she must have the face of a Venus, the brains of a Minerva, the grace of Terpsichore, the memory of a MaCaulay, the figure of a Juno, and the hide of a rhinoceros.(15) However in the words of one movie mogul, “Give me a couple of years, and I’ll make that actress an overnight success.”(16)

Along with success comes a reputation for wisdom.(17) This made me wonder if it was wise to come today and then I remembered that eighty percent of success is showing up.(18) Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.(19) I have only been married once so it is for you to judge whether this piece is a success.

I even thought of scrapping it completely and starting again, but I remembered the movie mogul’s advice, “Don’t improve it into a flop.”(20)