Writing Articles

I was e-mailed about a poet who was looking for support poets to do slots of around five minutes each, before he took to the stage to perform his own work at his book launch. It having been a while since I had performed, or indeed left the house, I decided to go for it. I still had a box full of books under the bed, and they were only gathering dust there, so I checked I could take some along to try and piggy back some sales off the other author’s launch.

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My set was easy to work out, one poem that had gone down well at a previous gig and two newer, untried pieces. I practiced at home, timing myself and working on my pauses and my breathing, as I have a tendency to rush through the poems to get through them as fast as I can so people will stop looking at me. I don’t work on my introduction or what I’m going to say between pieces, preferring to tailor that to each individual performance. That way, it doesn’t get too stale.

The venue took my breath away - the Library Theatre in Birmingham, and I was to be on stage. Now, the only time I’ve ever been on stage before was in school plays, and I was always a sheep, a tree or something equally undemanding. Never Mary. I was the Cowardly Lion once, but only because nobody else in my year was small enough to fit into the costume.

I digress. The stage, that was it. A proper lighting rig - me, in the spotlight - and sound system, this was so not what I was used to. I can stand up in front of a room full of people and read my work, and be confident that less than half of them will actually see me. This was a different story. For a brief time, all eyes would be on me. I panicked.

I completely failed to get into the zone. I sat waiting my turn, my mouth getting drier and my palms getting sweatier. I blotted my hands on my skirt before grasping the microphone, for fear of getting an electric shock.

A lot of ‘Ums’ came out of my mouth - and not a great deal else. I was dying on stage. How the Hell was this pathetic showing going to sell any books?

Once I moved onto the poetry I was in more comfortable territory, mainly because I was reading from the page. Note to self - you are terrible at ad-libbing. I read slowly, as I had trained myself to do, and clearly. I got someone to film me - the comparisons with the school nativity are obvious yet again - and, having reviewed the tape, I don’t look nervous at all. I look composed, and like I know exactly what I’m doing.

Unfortunately, I didn’t see the tape until two days later. So I came off stage, sure that I had made a mess of the whole thing, and that I’d made a fool out of myself in front of most of Birmingham’s literati. I just wanted to run off and hide in the toilets, but I had to collect all the unsold books before I could slink away to lick my wounds.

It was then that I realised all was not lost. No, I hadn’t sold any books. Neither did anybody come rushing up to me, offering me a contract with their agency or post-performance orgasmic sex - hey, a girl can dream, right? However, when I counted the piles of unsold books, I realised that someone had stolen two of them! Imagine, out there somewhere, two of my books are being read by people who wanted them so much that they purloined them! I don’t know whether to be annoyed or flattered, actually.

If you fancy putting yourself through your paces - and I do recommend it, even if you only do it once - there are plenty of open-mike nights running at the moment across the West Midlands region.

PUREandGOODandRIGHT is an Open Mic poetry event taking place in Leamington Spa, on the third Sunday of the month at The Fox, Leamington Spa.
Every event is an opportunity for YOU to go along and perform your poetry!!
The next event is on SUNDAY 18th MARCH starting at 7.30pm prompt at the FOX, Clarendon Avenue, Leamington Spa CV32 4RZ.

Poetry Wednesbury meetings at Wednesbury Library - all meetings last Wednesday in month at 7.30pm. (except December).
Open mic, occasional workshops, relaxed atmosphere - come along and read, listen, chat.

The Sunday Xpress
on Sun May 28th 2006 at 2pm till 6pm
in Birmingham
at Upstairs, Market Tavern, Moseley St, Digbeth
Entry: Free
Free Roast Potatoes!
Comedy, Poetry, music, Stories. Guest MC every gig, Open Mic available
tel Lizzy 0121 471 3445
Open Mic Event - Monthly (Usually held last Sunday of each month)

Poetry Bites at the Mac in Birmingham is a regular event mixing performance from a guest poet with open mic spots see http://www.macarts.co.uk for details.