Writing Articles

I stood up to perform two of my poems in front of fellow scribes as part of the Equal 2 New Writers Development Course recently. Me, a woman who has panic attacks at the thought of going on a bus, and frequent nightmares about sending meals back to the chef when they are cold/wrong/not dead yet - delete as appropriate.

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As I prepared myself for my spot - mainly by chewing my already ragged nails - I remembered some advice that I’d once been given about how to handle public speaking. Imagine your audience naked. This would have been very disturbing, as the other people on the course which I’m attending have become friends of mine, so picturing them in the buff is not something that would have set me at ease.

Several other members are actual performance poets, who get up on stage regularly in front of far larger audiences than we had in attendance that day. No trembling knees and shaky voice for them, unlike myself. I had legs like limp noodles by the time it came to my turn.
I stood up in front of the almost capacity crowd - nearly fifteen souls, all told - clutching my piece of paper in front of me as if it were a talisman capable of warding off the evil eye.

Some of the other poets could recite their work without reading from the page. Of course, that made me feel ever so slightly inferior. I started off with a brief introduction to the pieces I would be reading. I also apologised for being so nervous, and explained that it was the first time I had ever performed my work.

I started to read, and something magical happened: I forgot I was standing up in front of people, and my nervousness slipped my mind, although it had rather settled in my knees. I spoke in a clear voice, and rather loudly, both to project to the back of the room and to mask the staccato tempo coming from my clattering kneecaps. It is at times like these that I sorely miss smoking, I must confess. However, because I believed in my work, and I had written with feeling and passion, the emotions in the poems came to the fore. I came across as confident, and people said they wouldn’t have known I was apprehensive about performing my poetry if I hadn’t told them so at the beginning of my ‘spot‘.

I was advised to record myself reading my poetry and play it back, as it would help me to learn where to pause for more dramatic effect. I was also told I had a lovely voice! I retired to my seat, triumphant, to watch one of the more experienced semi-pro’s work the ‘stage’.
Then, the kicker. The organisers of the course have arranged a live poetry event, with invitations going out to festival directors and so on.

My glow of satisfaction starts to fade, as I realise this is a whole new ball of wax. Simon Thirsk from successful poetry publishers Bloodaxe Books is coming to speak to the group, as is Adrian Mealing, a performance poetry agent who manages John Hegly, Brian Pattern, Roger McCough and Simon Armitage. I suddenly feel way out of my league. I wonder whether there has been an administrative error, should another Clare, perhaps one with an ‘i’ in her name, be here instead of me? It always used to happen in school, there were so many girls called Clare that the teachers would often get us confused, trying to award certificates to the wrong ones.

I’ve been assured that the administrative staff have not cocked up, and I am really meant to have a place on the course. It’s scary stuff, these people believe in me, they think I have what it takes to make my living as a writer.

I have suffered with intermittent agoraphobia, and have had panic attacks in crowded supermarkets. But, with a little encouragement, I have been able to stand up in front of people whom I admire and read out my work. It was a truly liberating experience. Although, I do think that perhaps I need a little bit more practice before taking to the stage with the big boys and girls.

Poets On Fire at http://poetsonfire.blogspot.com/ is dedicated to promoting poetry in performance across the UK, and the website has details of upcoming events from across the country.

For those in the West Midlands, The Mac at www.macarts.co.uk has details of live literature events, and Julie Boden, former Birmingham Poet Laureate and founder of the Oasis Café Theatre, has details of upcoming events on her site at www.julieboden.co.uk/oasis.html