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The Complete Walkies from 1 -8

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WALKIES 1

‘Bramble! Bramble! Come on, walkies.
Good girl. Aren’t you a good girl? Yes, you are.
Where’s your collar? Let’s get you dressed. Let’s put it on. Come on. Mind those ears. Good girl. That’s a good girl.
There. Who’s my lovely girl? You are. You’re my lovely girl.
Your better than any diet, aren’t you? You are. I’ve lost more pounds walking and running with you than any silly old diet. And diets don’t have lovely brown eyes, no they don’t, and they don’t have these gorgeous ears. Ooh, I love those ears.
And you’re not just better than a diet, are you? No. You’re better than an introduction. You are. Yes, you are. All your doggy friends. And their owners. We meet so many people, don’t we. Yes, we do.
Shall we go and see your special friend, Mr Barker? Yes, he’s your special friend, isn’t he? Yes, he is. You love your Mr. Barker, don’t you?
And I love his owner! And I think he … … . Oh, doggies beat diets any day, don’t you? Yes you do. You do.
Come on, Bramble. Walkies.

WALKIES 2

‘Come here, Mr. Barker. Come here. COME HERE! Good boy. Good boy. Put this lead on. I may not be your usual walker, but you do as I say!
‘Aah. Is this your friend Bramble? Hello Bramble. I’ve heard a lot about you.’
‘Nice, I hope.’
‘Oh. Hello. Yes, always nice.’
‘We usually meet Mr. Barker with his … er … master.’
‘Yes. He definitely is a man’s dog. Aren’t you? Mmmm. But, I manage. I think he’s getting used to me now. I know they enjoy meeting you.’
‘Oh. Really?’
‘Yes. Dan tells us all about your walks.’
‘He does? Oh. Goodness.’
‘Yes.’
‘We only walk a little and talk about the weather or something … erm … you know, nothing … er … you know.’
‘Oh, yes. It’s very sociable, isn’t it? Dogs are great socializers, aren’t they? Dan said how good walking has been for you. It’s helped you, your fitness and so on.’
‘Has he?’
‘Yes. And I often hear about your shopping trips, and weekends away that you talk about.’
‘You do? My goodness. Please don’t think that I’m … erm … Oh. We just talk you know.’
‘Yes.’
‘Well, I … erm … I’d better go now, then. I think. Nice to have met you.’
‘Yes, I’ll tell my brother I finally met you.’
‘What? Oh! Bramble come here. I need to sit down!’

WALKIES 3

‘Hallo.’
‘Oh! Hallo. Bramble. Look who’s here. Where’s Mr. Barker?’
‘He’s not here. I’m just here to play a round.’
‘Pardon!?’
‘Golf. I belong to this club.’
‘I see. This is our afternoon walk. We always walk round here. It’s nice down the bridle path there and out into those fields. We’re so lucky to have them. Aren’t we? The deer and all the wild life. I’m sorry, I’m prattling.
‘Oh. Where’s Bramble? I usually put her on her lead here, just to keep her off the course. Bramble! Bramble! She’s disappeared. Oh, no.’
‘She’s over there.’
‘Bramble, come here. Come here! I’m sorry, we’d better go and you can get on with your game. Ah. Good girl. Where have you been? What have you got there? Oh. No! It’s a golf ball! Someone’s shouting. Over there. It’s alright you laughing, we’ve had trouble here before.’
‘Don’t worry. I’ll sort him out. He’s a dog lover, too. And, anyway, if she found the ball over there it must have been a terrible shot. He’ll be glad he can take it again.’
‘Ooh. I don’t know.’
‘Look, what are you doing Friday night? Why don’t you call round and we can go somewhere different?’
‘Ooh. I don’t know.’
‘Six-o-clock Friday. OK? I’ve got to go now, my partner’s waiting. Golf partner, that is.’
‘Yes. OK. ‘Bye.
‘Oh, Bramble! You naughty girl. But, I love you really. How can you get angry at those brown eyes? He’s got brown eyes, too.’

WALKIES 4

‘Oh, Come on Bramble. Which house is it? Number forty three? There, is that it? It is, isn’t it? It is. Ooh! Can you smell Mr. Barker? You can, can’t you? You can. Oh, no, wait a minute, Bramble. Bramble! Wait! I can’t just rush in there. I’m not like … you, you know. Come on, we’ll just go round the block once … . Oh, no, he’s at the window, he’s seen us. Come on, then. Gently! Wait! Wait! Bramble!’
‘Hallo.’
‘Hallo. Well. Here we are then.’
‘Yes. So I see. Both of you.’
‘Oh. Did you not … ?
‘It’s OK. Come on in. It’ll be a nice surprise for Mr. Barker. He doesn’t get many visitors, do you Mr. B.. No, stop that. No, no, get off! I’m sorry, he’ll calm down in a minute.’
‘That’s alright. I think Mr. Barker’s happy to see you Bramble. I thought when you asked us, me, round that we would just go for a walk somewhere different. That’s why we’re both here.’
‘I thought we, you and I, could just take a walk to the pub. For a drink, and maybe … have you eaten? They’ll be alright here together. Look. She’s settling down nicely beside him in his bed already.’
‘Well. I hope you don’t think I … … erm … … no, no, I haven’t eaten, actually.’
‘Good.’
‘Look. I don’t know how to put this, but I only know you as Mr. Barker’s dad. I don’t actually know your name.’
‘Yes. I know. And you’re Bramble’s mum. I’m Dan.’
‘Oh. Hi. I’m Sarah.’
‘There. Come on, then. They’re happy.’
‘Bye, Bramble. You stay with Mr. Barker. Good girl. There’s a good girl. You are. You’re a good girl. Now, you be careful!’

WALKIES 5

‘Bramble! Bramble. I’m home. Where are you? Aah. There you are. Who’s my lovely girl? You are. Yes, you are. You’re my lovely girl. Has anybody called? Eh? Are there any messages? Have you left the post alone? Come on, let’s get you a little treat, then. You like your little teatime treat, don’t you. You do. ‘Cos you’ve been all alone all day. And you’ve guarded the house, haven’t you. You’ve been a big guard dog. There you go, a nice little nibble. They’re your favourites, aren’t they? They are, aren’t they. You love them, don’t you. You do. Oh, look. There’s a message on the ansaphone. You didn’t tell me. Why didn’t you tell me there’s a message on the ansaphone? Mmm?’
‘You have one new message’
‘Yes, alright. Come on.’
‘Left today at Five Ten p.m.’
‘Hi. It’s me. Had a good day? I’ve booked a table at the restaurant for Friday evening. OK? Give me a ring as soon as you get this. ‘Bye.’
Oh. Bramble. Going out for a meal. Isn’t that lovely? Let’s put it on the calendar. Where’s the pen? Oh, look. It’s exactly a year since we first went out with Dan. It’s our first anniversary.’

WALKIES 6

‘Oh, Bramble! Come on, come in here. I’m sorry, I don’t usually have to drag her like this.’
‘That’s Ok. It’s not unusual. Coming to the vet’s is often associated with being prodded and poked, and having things stuck in them. Mmm. Let’s just have a feel there, Bramble? Mmm.’
Yes. That’s why I’ve brought her. She’s putting on weight. I know Labradors are terrible for eating and I’m quite strict about her diet.’
‘Mmm. Let’s just feel around her abdomen again.’
Well, I’ve actually cut back on her food this week.’
‘Yes. I don’t think you should be doing that. In fact, supplements might be the answer.’
‘Why?’
‘Miss Snow. It’s a happy event. Bramble’s having puppies.’
‘Oh, my God! How did that happen?’
‘I beg your pardon?’
‘Well, I don’t understand … .
‘It works the same way as humans, Miss Snow, … .’
‘Oh, I know all that! I meant how did it happen? I’m so careful with her. I keep her in at the first signs.’
‘You must have been a little slow this time and some lucky dog was quicker. Any idea which one?’
‘Well, if it’s who I hope … erm … think it might be. Well, I hope he’s got a pedigree! Oh. Bramble, I hope it’s not that awful mutt from down the street who got in the garden that day. How many is there? Can you tell?’
‘Not precisely without a scan. Usually no more than eight, the number she can feed. It can be as low as one, but I don’t think so. There again, it can be up to fifteen.’
‘OH. NO!! Bramble, How could you?’

WALKIES 7

‘I’m back. Where’s my lovely girl. There you are. How’s my lovely girl? Ooh. She’s lovely. Let’s get you a little treat. There we are. Then we’ll go for walkies. Mmm? Just round the block, last thing? Lovely girl. My mummy Bramble.
‘We had a lovely meal, sorry you couldn’t be there. It’s not fair, is it? In France they let doggies into restaurants. But, that’s a long way to go for dinner isn’t it? Your Uncle Dan paid for the whole meal, wouldn’t let me pay for even one drink. And have I got a surprise for you? Look! Look at my hand. No not that one, my left one. And that finger, look. No don’t lick it, you’ll cut your tongue. It’s a diamond! Yes, he asked me to marry him and I said … YES!!! I did. I did. I said yes. Isn’t that great? I said YES!! We’ll make an honest mummy of you now.
‘Oh. And, by the way, Mr. Barker does have a pedigree. A very good pedigree.

WALKIES 8

‘Bramble. Come here. Good girl. My lovely girl. You are. Yes. you are! Come on, try this on. You’re going to have to carry this spray of flowers. I don’t know how we’re going to attach it. Perhaps we’ll just pin it to your collar. You’re going to have to have a lovely bath, too. Oh. Don’t look like that. You’ll smell all lovely afterwards. And we’ll have to wash your stinky bed, too. Otherwise, by the morning you’ll be just as bad again. You will. You will. There that looks nice, on your collar. Doesn’t it?
‘Mr. Barker’s going to have a little pouch on his collar, as well. He’s going to carry the rings in it and keep them safe. He’s going to be Best Dog. But I don’t know what we’ll call you. Calling you a Bridesbitch or a Bitch of Honour doesn’t sound very good, does it? You’ll just have to be … erm … Best Girl, I suppose.
‘I just hope that Mr. Barker keeps off you this time. We don’t want any of that mounting business in the aisle, in front of the vicar. It’s nearly a year ago that brought that last lot of puppies on. It’s worry. But, still your ten pups paid for the wedding, so I suppose you two have made your contribution.
‘I just hope our pedigrees are as good.’